The ex-factor

“Fall in love with someone who doesn’t make you think love is hard.”


The ex-factor, we all have it! 

There is always one ex that we can never fully get over and we don’t even know why. They seem to have such a mental hold on us, which is honestly mental torture in the worst form as you cannot escape your feelings and thoughts.

From my personal experience, I have huge detachment issues when it comes to any sort of friendship or relationship. If somebody starts to drift away from me, instead of doing the right thing and just letting them be or giving them space, I find it makes me react even more in the most clingy way! I literally can’t help myself.

So after being with my only true love and getting dumped, this was the most devastating experience for me. He was all I could think of, first thing when I woke up in the morning and the last thing whilst I was trying to get some sleep. 

It is quite sad how much one human being can have such an affect on your state of mind, mental health and your anxiety levels. Social media played a big part in terms of detachment issues too. Lucky enough, he was not on many social media platforms but I found I was constantly checking Whatsapp to see if he was online, wondering what he was up to and god forbid if he changed his display picture I even got a mini-panic attack. Believe me, I am so ashamed of this behavior but I really do let situations get the better of me.

I allowed this one individual to have such a powerful impact on my mental health, my emotions, my wellbeing and even my social life. 

So, how did I move on from the situation? 

Truth is, you never really get over somebody that you love and have an incredible amount of feelings for and an emotional attachment. I did, however, find my very own coping mechanisms which really did help my mind frame and allowed me to eventually move on from the situation and see it for what it really is.

  • Keep busy is my number one rule. I found surrounding myself with positive friends, activities and even going for a walk when I felt down was a huge help. 
  • It’s more than okay to cry! Don’t be ashamed or feel weak for crying. It is a natural emotional reaction and trust me, you feel so much better once you have had a little cry!
  • Do not agree to be ‘friends’ with your ex. You already have friends. You wanted them as a partner, not a friend. Besides it gets extremely messy, your feelings WILL get hurt and a friend does not make you feel sad or upset.
  • Always dress your best. Keeping yourself looking great and ‘at your best’ will help you also feel your best too. It’s okay to sit around and lounge around if you are feeling down but don’t do it too often. Get some fresh air, get dressed and keeping shining!
  • No contact rule. You may have read this a million times but it really does work. Delete their number from your phone and mute them on any social media (you don’t have to unfriend but be prepared to get your feelings hurt if you see something you don’t like!) Start off with 30 days, I had a little notebook and crossed off each day as it came and it get’s easier. Think about it, if your ex who dumped you wanted to contact you they would. Once the 30 days are over, you honestly feel very liberated, your expectations are lower and you feel empowered. Take the power back and don’t let anybody control you! If you have had no contact for 30 days, add another 30 days and then by the time you know it it would have been 2 months and hopefully your mind and heart will begin to move on – note how I didn’t say heal as it really isn’t that easy.
  • Write down the positive and negatives of the relationship. If the negatives outweigh the positives, you have definitely had a lucky escape! It really brings to life the reasons you broke up and be honest with yourself when writing this down. Be realistic and not in denial, this will help you in all situations in life.
  • Talk to people about how you are feeling, but don’t make it the topic of every conversation you have. During the first 30 days, he was literally all I would speak about to my friends. Think about it, they are there to help but they don’t want to just speak about one topic with you.There is more to you as a person than a break up – don’t let it rule your life!
  • Live your life for you. Don’t sit around posting sarcastic/subliminal social media status’s and certainly do not try and put suggestive pictures or try to put up things to make your ex jealous. They will see right through what you are doing and you will look childish and desperate. The element of mystery is surprisingly attractive!

bae68b3bfef58f9cf05d425075b4a76b.png

What did I learn from the situation? 

  • I have a lot of truly supportive friends who were there for me, even though I had excluded myself from them during the relationship.
  • I realized that I had let somebody take such a hold of me emotionally that I lost myself. Taking care of yourself is the number one rule, always.
  • Why am I so upset over somebody who has made me feel this way? Even if it wasn’t on purpose. Somebody who truly loves you will not make you feel this way, even if they break up with you, it doesn’t need to be messy!
  • It is okay to be single or alone. You get to enjoy your own company, learn about yourself, learn self-control and it is so empowering when you realize that somebody does not have a hold on you.
  • Some relationships are not forever and things do not always stay the same in life. Learn to take every situation as it comes and see the positive. Hey, you are not together but you still have your own life, your own plans and goals to achieve and you are responsible for your own happiness, nobody else. 
  • Lastly, I learned that they too stalk you on Whatsapp when they accidental missed call you. How the tables have turned!

“You were happy before, you will be happy after.”

This is probably the most heartfelt and emotional post that I have blogged so far and I truly hope that this post indeed helps somebody who is going through a similar situation or needs some guidance.  

Hoping you find the happiness you deserve!

 

6 steps to a #productive day.

Having a productive and positive day is extremely important to me, and I am sure it is important to you, too! I have put together a selection of my top tips/advice to share with you in the hope that you too will have productive and positive days!  


Have a good morning routine 

For instance, wake up when you actually set your alarm and don’t keep snoozing. Research shows that you wake up feeling better and more positive if you wake up straight away. Also, having a glass of water as soon as you wake up can kick-start your metabolism for the day and your body will absorb vitamins and iron better if you drink water before you eat your breakfast. I also plan my outfit for work the night before so that I don’t have to rush around in the morning trying to figure out what to wear!

Have a filling, uninterrupted and healthy breakfast

Having a filling, healthy breakfast will set you up for a great day in terms of giving you the energy to fulfill your daily tasks, focus and of course keep you nice and full so that you don’t snack unnecessarily and eat junk. I have a great recipe for a healthy breakfast – #OvernightOats I also like to not be interrupted or distracted when eating my breakfast. Have a break from social media/your phone whilst eating your breakfast so you can have your breakfast and think clearly about your goals for the day.

Set your goals and tasks for the day

Having a personal notepad and or post it notes really help me remember what it is I need to do and having a mini to-do list for each day helps me make sure I am staying on track and being as productive as possible. Crossing off tasks is extremely satisfying and I aim not to have more than one mini task left on my list to continue to the next day. These can be both work and personal tasks but I tend to keep my lists separate.

Avoid checking your phone/social media too much 

Did you know that the average person unlocks their phone at least 30 times a day! Which sounds insane. I find it really hard to concentrate on tasks if I have my mobile phone at hand when I need to be doing something that requires full concentration, particularly at work. I find keeping my phone in my work drawer or away in my handbag and only checking during breaks really helps. I also turn off Whatsapp/Social Media notifications if I do have my phone nearby to limit notifications popping up on the screen. Another thing that needs to stop when it comes to phones it having your phone in your hand or staring at your phone whilst having a real-life conversation with somebody!! Improve your social skills and focus on the real-life present moment not what is going on in your phone, you can always catch up later.

Be realistic with your time and expectations

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Only set goals and targets for what you know is realistic timewise and achievable. This counts for both work life and personal. Keep on top of your to-do list for your work but also don’t overbook yourself in your personal life in terms of meeting friends and don’t commit to plans you know you realistically won’t be able to keep.

Excercise

Whether it be going to the gym, or making sure you take a walk on your lunch break. Exercise is key to having a good day. I try to have at least a 10-15minute walk at lunch time, even if it is just walking to the shop, and then I walk home from work which takes around 45mins. Exercise helps to keep you fit, healthy and is known to improve both positivity and productivity.


I hope the above tips and advice help you to have many productive days! Frankie x

@iblogactually

 

 

I blog, actually!

#MyVeryFirstBlogPost

I blog, actually! I guess we all start somewhere with our blogs right?

Let’s face it – we have all googled something we are dying to know on the internet and came across an amazing blog that has helped us through a current situation or given advice – no matter what it may be! From baking recipes to tips about love, friendships, and travel, we have all read a blog somewhere!

My idea is that anything I write about can hopefully help, enlighten or even guide somebody to just make a small difference to their day.

I am in L.O.V.E with travelling, reading, fashion, baking, exploring and of course, spending a little ‘Me Time’ in order to recharge my batteries here and there! I care about important and topical issues that affect everyone, everywhere – and I hope we can all unite together to take a stand.

I hope you enjoy reading whatever I have to blog about!

Frankie x